Help...

So.. I've been so busy settling in to uni and city life.. I've sort of forgotten to.. do my assignments.

Good News is, I've got a job, and another trial on Tuesday. Bad news is I have review on Monday and 2 research papers due Friday.

Now review is where all the artsy students get together with a panel of judges/teachers and our work, and they tell us where we are succeeding and what needs to be worked on before assessment, in a weeks time.

Here's the problem.. I started one piece of work, it failed, and I haven't found anything else to work with. We need to have 6 completed peices of work.....

Basically, I'm fucked.

The project is meant to be based around/drawn from a certain area in this city, which is sort of where the nightlife is, the subcultures, countercultures and "foreign" cultres flourish, and yet it's directly opposite the City itself, so there is an influx of business/corporation. Oh, it's also where the cities art galleries, library and performative arts centres are.

I'm new to the city, I've had fuck-all to do with this suburb. The only thing I find interesting is the multiplicty of cultures and the different patterns I've found in the area.. now HOW do I make that into another 5 pieces of work!?!

Just so you know.

I know I've said some things that might give you an opposite impression (but hey, you've done that to me). This is not nearly as much about you as it is my pathological desire for drama and something to feel about. You and I don't run nearly as deep as my need to convince myself that my connection to another person could be intense and somehow special.

I've always wanted something about me to just be special.





...LADYHAWKE...

Late night, waiting by the phone
Tonight waiting for an answer
Heartbeat drumming double time
I need one more chance to be near you

Still hanging on (for what)
Can’t operate (fired up)
I won’t eat and I won't sleep for you yeah
No rest till I (get through)
Cause I’m holding out (for you)
Am I the only one who’s insane

Hey you’re playing with my delirium
And the longer I wait the harder I’m gonna fall
Stop playing with my delirium
Cause I’m outta my head and outta my self control

Deluded.

Well as it worked out, he picked her but she didn't pick him. And he still doesn't want me. Pretty much anything I thought was going has just been all in my imagination.

So "friends" it is. "With Benefits", if I want. Ugh. It would basically be all the relationship-y stuff when we're together, minus the title. Plus the option to see other people/look for more viable relationship options. Kinda seems clear I'm not that kinda material to him. Whatever.

I met another guy. He seems sweet, keeps me behaving myself, considering I have no self-control. We'll see what happens I suppose.

Both know about me seeing other people, and are fine with it considering they either want sex or are just taking it slow and it's nothing serious yet.

Sorry for the incredibly self absorbed posts it seems I come up with. I'm just trying to figure out whether something casual "in the mean time" is going to make me happy until something real materializes.